was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You are the jesus of drinking
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My bed smells like the plague
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
