ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
