Do you still have your period?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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