I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize