I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
