I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
