I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
