Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
