i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
