My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
