Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
