Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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