i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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