We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
