my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
