Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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