my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
