He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
