I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
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you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
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Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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