mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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