You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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