no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
