Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
