i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
dude. I can hear the air.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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