I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
