And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im six kinds of drunk right now
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
