i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
