I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
