I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
