if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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