Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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