Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
