I'm going to jail i love you
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
