This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize