its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
