matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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