Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
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I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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