4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
