hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
