I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
