Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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