Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
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