I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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