You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
