I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
ttyl tear gas
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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