I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
