I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
