Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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