Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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