Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
