I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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