I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Oh god it's open bar.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
