It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
