He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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