and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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