He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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