you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
