I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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