i think my tv is drunk
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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