i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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