Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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