Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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