hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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