She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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