Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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