I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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