She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
