thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
