Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
