I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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