My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
