My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
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I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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