one two three fourrrrnication!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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